Saturday, June 8, 2013
Lou Reed’s Liver – An Obituary.
Lou Reed’s Liver came into the world March 2nd, 1942, in Brooklyn, New York.
Nourished from milk from birth until infancy when the organ switched to a diet of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, tutti fruttis, and Mary Janes.
During adolescence Lou Reed’s Liver suffered severe trauma, by way of electric shocks administered weekly. Some have suggested that this early trauma may have contributed to Lou Reed’s Liver’s later legendary live performances on the metabolism circuit.
Lou Reed’s Liver’s most notable and remarkable accomplishments are in the field of drug metabolism and sulphation. Although early experimentations with morphine and heroin indicated the brilliance to come, it wasn’t until the organ began work in the field of amphetamine metabolism that scientists took note. For a period of five years during the seventies, the only nourishment that Lou Reed’s Liver received was in the shape of coffee flavored ice cream.
As the seventies slid into the eighties the drug of choice switched to alcohol. Lou Reed’s Liver wrestled with whiskey, beer, and peach schnapps, along with the occasional chemical bender. One day in 1987 Lou Reed’s Liver stopped ‘playing live’ to toxins.
Lou Reed’s Liver passed away recently in Kansas during a complex and amazing feat of modern medical science. Those closest to it will remember the organ fondly. Lou Reed’s Kidneys were unavailable for comment, however his gall bladder has said it looks forward to performing alongside the new replacement.
The beat goes on.
Seriously, please; if you haven’t already done so fill in one of those little donor cards. You may just save a legend’s life. Get well soon Lou.