Sunday, March 1, 2015

Joe Dylan's Hangover Cure,

Warhol wouldn't do this....
NOW, AS we all know Joe Dylan is no stranger to the odd 'lost weekend.' Owing to this and with our own livers in mind we thought we would catch up with Dylan for his advice on a handy hangover remedy. We hand you over to Joe Dylan, hangover expert and private investigator.

JD: It's all about preparation and foresight which are unfortunately two tools normally absent form your average alcoholics toolkit. What the hell, here's a simple cure that seems to do the trick. And let's face it when you're waking up feeling like there's a nest of rats scratching to escape your noodle its time to get wise and get wise quick. You need a plan. You need to prepare. You'll need:

Vitamin C 1000mg x 3
Vitamin B Complex 1000mg x 3
Tuna - 1 can
Corn soup - 1 can
Macaroni - 250 grams.
Water - 3 liters.
Electrolyte powder - 3 sachets
Tomato juice - 1 large carton
Gatorade - 1 bottle.

It may seem like a good idea to reach for the headache pills or even the bottle of booze that stung you but that just prolongs the agony. You could play around with combinations of headache pills, antihistamines, benzodiazepines or even, say morphine. Try to avoid this.

Now I'm a herbalist and I don't mean Satan's cabbage neither. That stuff gives me the horrors. Now I've given up the devil's bargain and let me tell you, I'm no quitter when it comes to quitting.

You know that. Don't ya?

Vitamins C an B are great at getting the liver back working and when your liver is in shape you're good to go on the next bender, I mean, next blender juice diet. These 1000 mil tablets can be bought over the counter in Fun City. Not sure where you are but those 25, 50 or 100 mil tablets in a container won't touch a hangover detox unless you take a lot. So check the dosage.

The tomato juice is packed full of stuff like potassium, the tuna pure protein which is plain and easy to digest as is the soup. The electrolyte powders are used by athletes and alcoholics alike to rehydrate the body after some serious exercise, ditto the Gatorade.

Here's the steps, man.

Step 1. Arrive back to your cold water apartment smashed out of your skull.
Step 2. Down that bottle of Gatorade along with one Vitamin C and one B.
Step 3. Wake up feeling like there's a nuclear explosion in your head. But don't worry, baby, the worse is yet to come.
Step 4. Take that carton of tomato juice (don't add any voddy to that you cheeky scamp) add ice to a glass and chug away the whole carton along with another B and C vitamin tablet.
Step 5. Heat water in a pan and add the macaroni. Cook until soft and tender like your liver.
Step 6. Add the tuna and corn soup. Try not to spew in the broth.
Step 7. Stir and then add a little to a plate. Eat a little at a time until the B and C's kick in giving the liver the all clear to keep on going. You might start shaking, this is normal. Well abnormal but normal considering the fact you had all the morals of a god darn sewer rat last night. Don't eat the whole macaroni dish.
Step 8. Take a large pint glass of water and add the electrolytes. Drink it down. Now's the time you might heave up that bowl of golden goodness. That's why I said leave some for later, stupid.
Step 9. Take a nap.
Step 10. Wake up. Get some exercise. Go for a walk. A jog if you do that sort of thing.
Step 11. Drink the remaining water. Feeling better now?
Step 12. Consider taking the 12 steps, because buddy, you got a drinking problem and you know it.

The Beat Goes On.

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